Dear Black Community and Allies,
As a co-founder of the Black Manosphere Conclave (BMC), I, Mumia Obsidian Ali, write to address a critical issue affecting Black men today: the pervasive use of high-pressure and scare tactics to push marriage as a prerequisite for success, wealth, and manhood. These tactics, often perpetuated by influential figures within our community, create an uneven standard that unfairly targets Black men while sparing Black women from similar scrutiny. Recent exchanges, including those with Jason Wilson of The Yunion and Dr. Alduan Tartt, as well as online discussions with their supporters, underscore this troubling dynamic. The BMC stands firmly in its mission to empower Black men through individual liberty and agency, allowing each man to define his own path—whether that includes marriage or not.
THE ISSUE: HIGH-PRESSURE TACTICS & SCARE TACTICS
In recent years, Black men have faced increasing pressure to marry as a supposed pathway to wealth-building and legitimacy. Figures like Jason Wilson, through his nonprofit The Yunion and its Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy, and Dr. Alduan Tartt, a psychologist and relationship expert, have emphasized marriage as a cornerstone of success for Black men. While their intentions may be rooted in community upliftment, their rhetoric often employs fear-based messaging, suggesting that unmarried Black men are somehow deficient or failing their community. This approach ignores the diversity of paths to success and places undue burden on Black men to conform to a singular vision of manhood.
For example, Wilson’s work, while impactful for youth, often frames marriage as a moral and economic imperative, implying that single Black men lack discipline or purpose. Similarly, Dr. Tartt’s platforms, including his books and media appearances, frequently advocate marriage as essential for building generational wealth, sidelining alternative routes to financial success. These messages can alienate Black men who choose different life paths, whether due to personal preference, economic realities, or other priorities.
My interactions with supporters of these figures, such as a recent Instagram exchange with @thefilmadcamp242, highlight the intensity of this pressure. When I cited Elon Musk as an example of a successful individual who prioritizes personal freedom over marriage, the response dismissed his relevance while ignoring similar scrutiny for unmarried Black women. This exchange reflects a broader trend: Black men are held to rigid expectations, while Black women are often given a pass on the same "wealth-building" mandates.
DOUBLE STANDARDS: THE CASE OF OPRAH WINFREY & OTHERS
A glaring double standard exists in how the Black community evaluates marriage choices. Prominent Black women like Oprah Winfrey, who has remained unmarried to Stedman Graham for decades while building a multibillion-dollar empire, face little to no criticism for their relationship choices. Despite occasional gossip, Oprah’s decision to prioritize her career and personal life over marriage is largely celebrated or unquestioned. Similarly, figures like Rihanna, who is in a committed relationship but unmarried, escape the intense scrutiny directed at Black men like Tyler Perry or 50 Cent, whose bachelorhood often prompts speculation about their masculinity or commitment to the community.
This disparity is not just anecdotal. As I noted in my exchange with @thefilmadcamp242, claims that Oprah is "dragged every day" for not marrying lack evidence—particularly from major influencers with platforms comparable to Wilson’s 1.5 million followers. In contrast, Black men who remain single, especially high-profile figures, face persistent questioning of their "manhood" or societal contributions. This double standard reinforces a narrative that Black men must marry to prove their worth, while Black women are afforded greater flexibility in their personal choices.
KRIS MARSH & THE LOVE JONES COHORT
University of Maryland sociologist Dr. Kris Marsh provides critical insight into this issue through her work, *The Love Jones Cohort: Single and Living Alone in the Black Middle Class*. Marsh documents the rise of affluent, single Black men and women who are thriving without marriage, challenging the notion that matrimony is the sole path to wealth or stability. Her research shows that since 2000, the number of Black men earning over $100,000 annually has surged from 348,000 to over 1.8 million—a 433% increase. This growth reflects the success of Black singles, male and female, who are building wealth and influence outside traditional family structures.
Marsh’s "Love Jones Cohort" highlights a growing demographic of Black individuals who prioritize career, personal growth, and independence, often choosing to live alone or delay marriage. This cohort’s success undermines the scare tactics used to pressure Black men into marriage, proving that there are multiple ways to "skin a cat" when it comes to building a fulfilling life. Her work calls for celebrating diverse paths to success rather than shaming those who opt out of marriage.
THE BLACK MANOSPHERE CONCLAVE'S NEUTRAL STANCE
The Black Manosphere Conclave, founded in 2021, takes a fundamentally different approach. Our ethos is rooted in maximizing individual liberty and agency for Black men, empowering them to make informed choices about their lives—marriage included—without fear or coercion. Unlike the prescriptive narratives of Wilson, Tartt, or their supporters, the BMC remains neutral on questions of marriage and relationships. We believe that Black men should decide for themselves which lives they will lead, whether that involves marriage, long-term partnerships, or singlehood.
Our annual conclaves, which have grown from 50 attendees in 2022 to over 400 in 2024, provide a platform for Black men to explore diverse paths to success. Through initiatives like Theo University’s STEM training, which has placed Black men in high-paying tech jobs (80%+ placement rate, $10M in salaries), and our 5F Conference for women, which facilitates networking and relationships (resulting in five African marriages since 2023), we support Black men in achieving their goals on their terms. Our exit surveys, with over 400 respondents in 2024, reflect this commitment to transparency and choice, capturing the diverse aspirations of our attendees—82% of whom express interest in long-term relationships, but not as a mandate.
We reject high-pressure tactics that shame or scare Black men into marriage, just as we reject narratives that question their manhood for choosing otherwise. The BMC celebrates the achievements of Black men, whether single, married, or partnered, and aligns with Dr. Marsh’s findings that affluent Black singles are a vital and growing part of our community.
ADDRESSING PERSONAL RUN-INS
My encounters with Jason Wilson and Dr. Alduan Tartt have highlighted the tension between our approaches. Wilson’s faith-based advocacy for emotional vulnerability and marriage, while valuable for some, often dismisses alternative paths and risks alienating Black men who don’t conform to his vision. In discussions, his supporters, like @thefilmadcamp242, have deflected critiques by pointing to unrelated figures (e.g., Rihanna) rather than engaging with data, such as Marsh’s research or the BMC’s outcomes. Similarly, Dr. Tartt’s emphasis on marriage as a wealth-building necessity overlooks the economic realities of Black men, many of whom are thriving as singles, as evidenced by the 1.8 million earning over $100,000 today.
These interactions reveal a broader issue: a reluctance to acknowledge the diversity of Black male experiences. The BMC’s commitment to individual agency stands in contrast to these prescriptive approaches, offering a space where Black men can explore wealth-building, relationships, and personal growth without judgment.
A CALL FOR FAIRNESS & FREEDOM
We call on the Black community, influencers, and leaders to reconsider the use of high-pressure and scare tactics against Black men regarding marriage. Success and manhood are not one-size-fits-all, and the data—backed by Dr. Kris Marsh and our own BMC outcomes—proves that Black men are achieving greatness through varied paths. We urge figures like Wilson and Tartt to embrace this diversity and celebrate all Black men, married or not, rather than perpetuating double standards that spare Black women like Oprah Winfrey from similar scrutiny.
The Black Manosphere Conclave remains committed to empowering Black men to lead lives of excellence, whether through high-paying tech careers, global relationships, or personal fulfillment. We invite our community to join us in fostering a culture of choice, respect, and achievement, free from fear-based narratives.
Sincerely,
Mumia Obsidian Ali
Co-Founder, Black Manosphere Conclave
www.blackmanosphere.com
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